No blind faith and no more looking away.

My political views and philosophy have never reconciled with the mainstream. Intellectually, I have refused to participate in the endless crises and political theater. The governments of the world are corrupt. The issues are distorted. The news is nothing but an endless litany of man’s inequity and depravity. I have not paid attention to it for ten years. I considered it all propaganda and ever so much criminal conspiracy.
With a recommitment to G*d and a new commitment to conservative Judaism, I am having to intensely re-evaluate my political beliefs. For example, when I didn’t want a family, why should I care if the word destroys itself? After all it is so ‘wicked?”
I can no longer believe this or turn away.
I have to carefully re-assess everything. I cannot maintain all of my old identity but I don’t wish to make the opposite error of becoming a fundamentalist. I abhor the Christian right. I could never be like that could I? Yet suddenly I see them in a new light. After all do I not now also believe atheism to be the greatest tragedy? Do I not now also believe that there is one true G*d who I wish to rule us in justice?
Won’t people, like the man I was, just see this as dogmatism? Orthodoxy that is equally as dangerous as Christian bigotry? I pray not! I still believe in liberalism and libertarianism. Yet issues challenge me. I have always supported the separation of church from state, now I long for a Theocratic Society. Is this not the same goal as all of these religions? Is this not why there are holy wars? I don’t want to be like that stereotype but I have given up reasoning the nature of creation; reason provides no truth. Yet I cannot forget that different Religions provide different beliefs about what is true.
I know that because I was raised Catholic and had a pope I can believe in aristocracy. I could blindly give my heart to G*d alone but Judaism requires that I do not. For I would cease to be separate and could add nothing. The ability to act collectively, to think broadly is where Judaism surpasses all. For it gives me both freedom and humility. Unto G*d do I look for authority and am answered in having purpose. I have direction but can be creative. I can think more deeply and have more self esteem not pride. For so long I didn’t like myself. Reason destroyed meaning though I thought I was above it.
May this love be balanced, may my heart be true. May I not be proud, or naïve. May I serve G*d always.